words

I used to write every day.  Sometimes many times a day.  Then life got in the way.  Now death has gotten in the way.  And overwhelming circumstances.  And many things out of my control.  I have started a blog and neglected it for days, weeks, months at a time.  I now apologize to myself and promise to write here, when I can, and not to pressure myself.  I need to be more gentle with Nerissa.

Someday, the beautiful words will return to me.  I still have the beautiful thoughts at times.  I just can't seem to extricate them from my head.  For now, here are some more angry ones.  They are "inspired" by a woman who has said horrible things about and done horrible things to my family.

I will not allow myself to fall further into the depths with you.
My anger towards you, likens me to you the further I sink in.
I no longer accept myself in your oppressive skin.
You are an overbearing, manipulative cocoon, barbed from within.
To escape I must give in.
But I will not give in to you.
I will give in to my self.
To my soul.
For escape comes from within me.
I relinquish this hatred.
This sorrow.
This depression you think you had a hand in.
You do not win anymore.
I realize it has been my doing all along.
I can fight.
I can battle.
I can brawl.
But the war is within me.
You are no longer allowed.